I want to walk on stilts...naked
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
