did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
