dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
