My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
