when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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