I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
