So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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