Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
