Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
