He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
