i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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