playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
