..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
