I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
