So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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