i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
