I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
