well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
