Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
