Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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