Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
