Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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