how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
