I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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