today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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