Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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