Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
