she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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