From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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