Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Boobs speak an international language.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
