Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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