she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
