Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
