Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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