they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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