we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
