Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
