Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
