69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
