real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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