Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
