i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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