I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
