I wish I could punch you in the face.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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