I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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