She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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