This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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