but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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