sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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