The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
