I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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