My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
