Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
