im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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