If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize