He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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