The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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