I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
