Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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