I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
