@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
