you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
