Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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