yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
