I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize