so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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