We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize