she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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