I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize