I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
