Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
