so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
