If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
