ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
