CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
