I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
