I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
