You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
