he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
