Moan for me like Helen Keller
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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