I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
