I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We need a shit load of segways right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
