Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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