Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
